Fandoms: Play SBURB
by M. Chanson
Summary: You are the Homestuck fandom. Unfortunate events lead to you and a group of fellow fandoms playing SBURB, a game with ridiculous shenanigans, hilarious situations, and brutal death. Needless to say, you really hate yourself right now, and you wish your moirail and flush crush would stop dying long enough for you to apologize.
1. Homestuck: Celebrate Birthday

Well, belated birthday, you should say. Probably. You think so. You always lose track of time, so it's hard to tell.

Do you even need an introduction?

You are the HOMESTUCK fandom, and sleep can go fuck itself. You had been having trouble sleeping properly the past few days. You had only remained awake for precisely two hours on the day of your birthday to read your last and final update, and then read it again and cry a little bit before passing out.

You have been exhausted for the past weeks, your fandom raging and hustling and bustling, making up last second theories and arguing over which ships were canon and which weren't.

You find that really stupid. All the ships are great anyway. All of them.

...Except Hussie and Vriska. Your dad could be a giant creep sometimes.

You consult your trusty calendar. It is the best magic calender of all, purely because your moirail had given it to you, seeing as you've been suffering serious sleep problems these days. He had given it to you on the 23rd of March, 2016, 6:43:09 AM, and you knew this because at that time you had been high on faygo and hadn't slept in four days until your palemate forced you to bed. Gog, he was wonderful.

Being magic and all, it displayed the date without anyone having to waste their energy ripping papers off it. So productive.

It was the fifteenth of April- two days after your birthday. You feel sort of bad for not being awake on your birthday long enough to fully appreciate the fact that you were, in a way, not only an year older but also complete. You didn't even really get to wish John a happy birthday!

Well. Happy birthday, John. And to you, too, you guess.

You stop dwelling on that and turn around to examine a huge oven in your room.

Oven? What oven? Pfft. That's just your appearifier/sendificator. Because mailing and being mailed is too boring.

With barely contained excitement, you open the ove- you mean, sendappearifier, and sure enough, a load of gifts and parcels tumble out.

You smile and reach for the closest one, wrapped in green and blue. Your pale instincts immediately inform you that your sweet, precious, perfect moirail had been the one responsible for THIS one.

You shake it a little because this is a common cliché that must be repeated, before tearing it open with enthusiasm.

You are almost too excited to read the note that was plastered onto the package, but notes from your perfect, adorable moriail must not be ignored.

'Hey, Homestuck! I hope you're having a good day :D You probably won't get this on time because of your sleeping problem, but happy birthday anyway! I wanted to send you cake and cookies but then I remembered you don't like baked stuff for some reason :/. Hehehe- I hope you like my gift anyway. If you need a shoosh pash or whatever, you know where to find me!

lots and lots and lots of love,

~WN 333'

Oh, that guy. He makes your heart melt with even the simplest gestures. In a totally pale way, though. Also, he should figure out the difference between diamonds and hearts, because hearts are heavily associated with matespritship, a quadrant neither of you are interested in. You don't have the heart to correct him, though. He's far too adorable for that. It's not like you really mind anyway.

Not that you've thought about being matesprits with him. No. Never. Hahahahaha.

OK, awkward subject. Let's change it.

Your moirail's gift to you turns out to be a blanket with patterns of the world's countries' flags expertly sewed all over it. One glance and you could immediately tell it was handmade. Your moirail is a fandom of several talents.

You immediately decided that you will treasure this blanket.

Homestuck: Treasure blanket

You spend fifteen minutes looking terribly ridiculous as you bury your face into the fabric of the blanket, basically inhaling it and entertaining feelings that could admittedly be deemed far too red to be considered pale.

He is so perfect. Why is he so perfect? You carefully set the blanket aside.

You proceed to open the other packages; there are six in total. One from your cousin, who had considered a frozen packet of spaghetti to be a perfect present, one from that gogdamned fandom you despise (unsurprisingly it was just a box of fucking salt), an ironic fake detective set from the other guy, a handsome looking handwatch from the Doc, and most unnerving of all, a huge ass lollipop from... him. You'd rather not mention that guy. Yeah. Let's not. You shove the lollipop into its box and push it away into a corner, before you proceed to attempt forgetting about it while opening the last box. It was light, which made sense because it was empty. Apart from a note inside.

'This wasn't my idea. My stupid brother made me do this, so here. Happy fucking birthday. You better be fucking grateful for this box I sent you. It's a really good box, too. You can, like, put stuff in it and whatever. Enjoy, bastard.'

Uh, wow. This guy sure is something. You can't get over the fact that he and your sweet moriail are siblings. Well, an extra box never hurt anyone, did it?

You sit among your birthday presents, enjoying the lingering satisfaction, your palemate's blanket wrapped around your shoulders, wearing a silly little Holmes detective hat on your head. The sender had been thoughtful enough to put in hornholes. Sweet!

After wallowing in satisfaction for a number of minutes, you extract your phone from your pocket. Of course you slept with it! You go to bed with at least two computers on you, and leave your house with no less than five, like a SANE person.

You purposely avoid your tumblr app- you are not ready for any reaction from your fans, not now and probably not for a while. Your pesterchum is blowing up with notifications, though.

Apparently, your moirail had been trying to get in touch with you for quite a while.

whiteflaggedNations [WN] began pestering geneticMutant [GM] at 4:13-

WN: hey  
WN: hey homestuck!  
WN: message me when you can, AR told me that IC told him that VR told him to tell him to tell me about something that MS told VR about  
WN: it's something about a game  
WN: it sounds fun! I wanna play. What do you say?  
WN: uh oh  
WN: fratello is breaking stuff again, I gotta go  
WN: bye! 3

whiteflaggedNations [WN] ceased pestering geneticMutant [GM] at 4:20-

Curious but also slightly confused, you message him back, quickly texting a reply. You hoped his brother wasn't giving him much trouble.

geneticMutant [GM] began pestering whiteflaggedNations [WN] at 6:09

GM: jegus, your bro needs to calm his man tits  
GM: and i'm sorry for being late, I was ... you know  
GM: what's this game thing you're talking about again?

Unsurprisingly, he answered right back, and your heart skipped over a few beats.

WN: oh hey! happy belated birthday 3 I was waiting for you to reply. Don't worry about not being early though. I understand! I would want to sleep through my last update, too. Papa's usually nice but he always does mean stuff to the fandom when we least expect it. It's scary.  
WN: anyway! AR said to tell you to talk to him when you're awake. I don't know why he just doesn't message you himself. Oh well!  
GM: ugh, I hate that guy. I wouldn't want to play any game he's in, but since you're playing. .  
WN: am I dragging you in? Is it a moriail thing? I'm sorry! I don't have to play if you want don't want. AR said you were important or something but you shouldn't play if you don't want to  
GM: no no heta  
GM: it's really cool, my curiosity would have gotten the best of me anyways  
GM: what's this game called and why did AR say I was important? probably a bluff, I wouldn't put it past him  
WN: oh I don't know, AR isn't really the lying kind of guy  
WN: as for the game, I think it started with an S or something  
WN: hmm!  
WN: i'm pretty sure it wasn't super mario bros.  
WN: ha! got it. Sburb, he called it sburb!

Oh.  
Oh, NO.


	2. 2p talia: Get Bothered

Enough being Homestuck for now. Why don't you be the other guy?

 **Homestuck: Be the other guy.**

You are now the other guy.

A young fandom stands in his room, scowling. He looks angry. That happens to be how he appears most of the time, unfortunately. You are the Second Player Hetalia fandom, otherwise known as the 2P!talia fandom, and you hate everything.  
Well, that's not true! Neither is it possible. But oh, you DO try to hate everything in your proximity. You have a variety of interests, most of which involve stabbing inanimate objects for fun when you are bored. Distinguished from your brother, WN, with nothing apart from your hair being slightly darker and the ever-present frown on your features, you are commonly mistaken for what your brother becomes when he is angry. That is not true. You are your own fandom, dammit, and whoever says otherwise can shove a stiletto down their throats! (The stiletto knives, not the high heels- though you find the high heels as equally pretty waitwhat).

Like your brother, you have a curl protruding from your hair, which is VERY SENSITIVE AND NOT TO BE TOUCHED. Ehm. Your chumhandle is stilettoRioter, and you speak in a very mundane way because quirks and all those who use them are stupid.  
Now that you have introduced yourself; what will you do?

 **2p!Talia: Look around**

You look around you. Your room is rather tidy for that of what most people would consider a sociopath. Scratch that; you ARE a sociopath in every sense of the word. And you like it. You have a few posters hung up on your wall, most of which were self-made and of Lucky Luciano, the cunning, smart and deceivingly handsome mafia man. 3 Oh, Lucy Luci, if only he were still alive. Not many men possessed both smarts and looks these days. Or women.

Then there's the gigantic pile of candy that is constantly being sent to you by your 'palemate'. Whatever the fuck that is. You don't really care about quadrants all too much. So far this is what you've figured:

Love Dovey: Matespritship  
Best bros: Moirallegiance  
Kismessitude: Permission to punch an asshole (you really like that one)  
Auspistice: You don't understand this one and you don't care enough to bother trying.

The guy is seriously messed you. Half the time you're pretty sure you want to be kismessis with him because he is just SO FRUSTRATING and won't stop with the goddamn candy. It was nice the first few times, but now it is just annoying.

Other than that there is nothing worth looking at, except the weird ass oven the Hoestuck bitch had sent you. Your brother insisted on keeping it in your room because he kept accidentally forgetting it was not actually an oven. After accidentally sending lasagna to the Supernatural fandom TWICE (who was rather fond of it now), your bro had decided enough was enough (though he continued to send lasagna to Supernatural weekly, for the dude had grown fond of it).

Since you have nothing better to do, you decide to open up your pesterchum, because why the hell not? You prop your laptop so that it was on top of your lap (duh), and sit on your bed beneath your Lucky Luci posters as you answer.  
The only reason you have more than a contact was of course, because of your brother. Stupid, popular, loveable brother.  
Oh, dios. THAT guy has been pestering you again.

 _dubiouslySugary [DS] began pestering stilettoRioter [SR] at 4:23_  
DS: Helllllo! :DDDDD  
DS: I must say, dear moirail, it has been f44444444444r two lONG thehehehe  
DS: Where've you been? How are you? Hope you're having a R3333a11y sw33t day!  
DS: It's almost been lonely with Stuckie being asleep all the time!  
DS: I kind of miss him! –Even though h-E doesn't like me a lot :DDDDDD  
DS: So how are you, palemate, dearest, sweetest moirail, sugar c44444444nnnn33?

 _stilettoRioter [SR] began pestering dubiouslySugary [DS] at 7:52-_

SR: oh my god! Not this again. Why do you insist on spamming me every single goddamned d4y?  
SR: *day  
SR: UGH.  
DS: 0h TH-3R-E you are!  
SR: ffs  
SR: what do you want  
SR: spill your bullshit so I can leave  
DS: you always say that but you end up conversing with me anyway! I know you must care ;;;;;;)  
SR: stfu I just have nothing better to do  
SR: I hate your diabetes inducing guts and that's that. Now what the hell do you want?  
DS: you~~~!  
SR: wait  
SR: what  
DS: what  
SR: I asked you first!  
DS: asked me wh4444t?  
SR: yes, idiota, I asked you what  
DS: what what?  
SR: what what what?  
DS: …..what?  
SR: OH FOR FU- YOU KNOW WHAT, JUST FORGET ABOUT IT.  
DS: ehm~! As I was say1ng 8efore my RUDE palemate interrupted me, I had come to inform you off a very fun game we can play!  
SR: not interested  
DS: it involves l07s of death-  
SR: …I'm listening  
DS: one of Stuckie's friends is planning to have them play a SBURB session. Which for reasons we will not be a part of~! H0W –EV-ER, I decided that we sh411 play our own session.  
SR: so you want to play a game with me is all?  
DS: yes! But not just UUUUU2, that would be dreadfully lonely, wouldn't it? We could go for some SW33T, SW33T company!  
SR: is it too late to back out of this  
DS: y333333-E3332 :D  
SD: dammit  
DS: Don't be so silly, now!~ It'll be delicious! I've managed to convince a few other delightful fandoms to join!  
SR: ugh  
SR: you mean you threatened them with sugar poisoning if they didn't?  
DS: that's a bit of a h44444r2h way of putting it, but something along those lines. I am very persuasive :))))))  
SR: all right, whatever. When do we play?  
DS: in a moment~ I have to abandon this lovely conversation, n0w, h0w-Ev3r, so gooooOOOoooOOOOD bYYYyeee-E-E-E~

 _dubiouslySugary [DS] ceased pestering stilettoRioter [SR] at 8:13-_

SR: hey wait-  
SR: don't go you can't just leave me now  
SR: whatever  
SR: not like I liked talking to you anyway  
SR: …..  
SR: tsh. Stupid candy freak.

 _stilettoRioter [SR] ceased pestering dubiouslySugary [DS] at 8:15-_  
 _stilettoRioter [SR] began pestering dubiouslySugary [DS] at 8:17_

SR: uh  
SR: don't do anything dumb  
SR: not that I care it would just be an inconvenience  
 _stilettoRioter [SR] ceased pestering dubiouslySugary [DS] at 8:17_  
 _stilettoRioter [SR] began pestering dubiouslySugary [DS] at 8:19_  
 _stilettoRioter [SR] ceased pestering dubiouslySugary [DS] at 8:19_  
 _stilettoRioter [SR] began pestering dubiouslySugary [DS] at 8:21_  
 _stilettoRioter [SR] ceased pestering dubiouslySugary [DS] at 8:21_  
 _stilettoRioter [SR] began pestering dubiouslySugary [DS] at 8:23_  
SR:  
 _stilettoRioter [SR] ceased pestering dubiouslySugary [DS] at 8:24_

 ** _A/N; Wow! I'm pleasantly surprised by the response I got! Sorry for the lateness, it took me a bit to realise I can upload here even while on my phone, hehe. I promise fairly regular updates and yes- you can enter commands._**


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